Charles C. Finn
Please Hear What I'm Not Saying
Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I'm afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,
and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without
and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.
I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings--
very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.
Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.
Charles C. Finn
September 1966
Copyright © 2018 Charles C. Finn
Looks like I found the right thread right away.... Not only have I used magick to expand my business in the past and am currently doing so as well, but my business exists at all and in its current form as a direct result of my magickal practices. It all started when I started working with the Olympic spirit of Jupiter, Bethel, when I first had the idea to start a business. The original idea of a web development business never manifested directly since shortly after working with that spirit I quickly got thrust into blockchain development. Then I started working with the angels of the Shemhamphorash (72 names of God). That took things to a whole other level. While I recommend working with these angels to anyone with a pure intention it can be rather dramatic at first as anything that doesn't have a pure intention involved with it will be drastically cleansed rather quickly. It generally feels kind of traumatic at first but in the end it has invariably shown to be what needed to happen.
thunderchicken wrote: Good read. Wow, where to start. I've manifested me self into a good thing going. How does one go about learning sigils and plant spells? In a world of dis-info, it's hard to know where to start. I'm managing a magical marijuana farm and don't know how to harness and contribute to this energy I feel.
You said this a while back but I used to grow cannabis and definitely used magick to benefit it. Sigils are easy.... the way I did plant spells you won't find it in a book. Me and you actually have quite a bit we should talk about.
plants have evolved way longer then we have and i think plants have something like magic. ive really liked sage and lucky bamboo for a while. weed ive thought that since the first time ive smoked it. when i see sage i smell it. but theres gmo plants now, that kinda sucks. in high school my friend would burn sage in his room and one time i brought burning sage on the bus but i had to put it out. i was always burning it or smoking it, i havent done anything with it in a while. the hippies had something right about plants, if its not natural its not good
theres the feng shui magic of the lo shu square
https://www.thespruce.com/feng-shui-magic-of-the-lo-shu-square-1274879
I don't know if it counts as magic, but I definitely think Water accounts for more than we give credit for.
Improving water means healthier plants and health in general.
One way to achieve that, is I use a small funnel (bigger and longer would be better alas) to vitalize my water (3-4 times). Or cavitating the water (creating bubbles in the liquid). And of course, blessing it with kind words. Simple thing, but I'm convinced they have compound effects.
its weird i have a fish tank and the water gets bad after if i had non positive things like people drinking. my plants like the fish water and changing the soil once a year. i sometimes put watter in glass bottles and put them in a room thet gets a bunch of light. thats more natural then in a metal pipe
GREATNESS IS NOT ABOUT WHO YOU ARE BUT WHO YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN BECOME.
Have courage to pursue your own path. The sheep are safe in their cages but the lions run free in the wilderness. The greatest among us are most different from the rest. ▲
